Though the item I wanted to get Master for Xmas, is sold out I was able to get him a few things I know he can appreciate. Granted its ALL vanilla…but still, I am hoping he loves them!!!
Someone posted in one of my groups, about being criticized and told they are not submissive, because they ask a lot of questions, they seem assertive at times, and are in control of some aspects of their lives. They said it wasn’t just dominants saying this, that other submissives did this as well.
SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!!
With that aside I have to voice my own opinion. Naturally!!!
OH NO…..I am asserting my own voice…AS a submissive!!!
Anyhoo, I am submissive to Sir-Kayden. I am HIS girl, and to which HIS opinion only matters of me. I control the things in life that he allows me too. He trusts me to make the best decisions for myself, per his rules, and guidelines, and within these I take care of myself as best I can during normal times of the day!
Master has strict rules for me to follow. ONE of these rules is….DEKA…Blog…WRITE…VOICE YOURSELF!!!!
He loves that I have my own beliefs, that I am NOT weak and can voice them. Whether they are about BDSM, Politics, Religion, my stance to end child abuse, my stance to stop shaming rape survivors, and to end human trafficking. No more animal abuse, etc etc etc.. the topics I am so passionate about, and stand up for…my Master encourages me to make myself heard!!!
I am passionate, loving, caring, but I am also Strong!!!
Strong enough to stand up for myself, and others. When I wasn’t always able too. Strong enough to allow someone like Sir-Kayden to take control of me. To guide me, mold me into a better person. I am also strong in another aspect of my life for the first time ever. This last year I have been that much stronger in saying:
- No, I don’t like this!!
- No, You hurt me, don’t do it again!
- No, I don’t want to be with you!!!
- No, I will not accept such an apology, and I WILL hold you accountable for your actions!!!
This does NOT make me less submissive. This just makes me NON-Submissive to YOU! I belong to Kayden. I will serve submissively to anyone he demands of me, because I love him, and in doing so, I serve him!!!
Just because I have a strong stance, and opinions, and I am capable of taking care of decisions in his absence does NOT in any means, make me less submissive!!!
To criticize anyone AT all for doing the same thing, makes YOU judgmental, ignorant, and just plain and simply rude!!!
Someone made a comment that a BDSM relationship is like a coloring book. The submissive draws the lines of her BDSM picture, and it is the dominant that must stay within those lines!!! However within those lines, he may do whatever it is he desires! This to me is a great representation in a metaphor of what is a BDSM relationship. Though it makes me wonder.
Does the submissive truly color the lines???
I know as a submissive, I struggle. On more than just my D/s relationship. I struggle with every day things. My master keeps me in check, gives me things to do, and helps me to grow into a better person. Something I fail in doing on my own. Heck, I fail most times being a submissive as well.
I am good when the tough times are here. I can buckle down, and face the storm if I am forced too, but when I am not, I struggle. To take care of myself, and my world around me. That is where Kayden comes in. Kayden guides me, for when the storm isn’t here. Sure, he would be my shield, and knight in rusty armor, during a storm if I needed it. However, I find it is HE who helps me to maintain myself when I am thrown into a chaos of calmness!
Nothing really bad is happening right now in my life!!!
Bills are paid, food in my belly, roof over my head. My child wants for nothing, and she is well cared for and loved. Heck we even finished our Christmas cards that we are sending to wounded soldiers early. We may not be rich in financial means, but we are rich in love, and happiness.
So WHY….WHY am I struggling in my submission, and feel as though I am in chaos mode??
I cannot explain it. Perhaps it is because during these times, I either don’t know what to do, or am preparing for my world to crumble? I am not use to calm, peace, happy worlds. I am used to chaos, and everything that comes with it.
So I wonder; Do I as a submissive color my own lines???
I really don’t think I do. If I did, I think I wouldn’t feel this way. I would have more limits? I would have more self control over things. I would feel happy, and beautiful, and peaceful, when times deserve it.
I don’t think I draw the lines…
Master draws the lines, AND he colors the picture!!!
I am just the canvas on which he does it!!!
So I had to vent today. I am apart of a bunch of groups on facebook for BDSM related content. In a group I am in, a woman posted a comment:
Woman: So, my Master had to let me go. He has a Pet who refuses to share, and he’s had her for longer.
I have no idea why this bothered me so much. Possibly because of the lack of respect on BOTH sides! I am all for propriety, and respect. This to me screamed lack of such respect on so many levels.
So I asked her a few questions, which I am awaiting the answers on.
- Did she herself know, about the first girl not wanting to share, prior to engaging with this man?
- If so, WHY did she decide to be his girl anyways?
- Does she know if the man agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with his first girl, prior to her?
- If so, WHY would you allow him to pursue you?
I feel hurt that she is heart broken. I really do, but I also feel for the other girl a bit more. This man clearly has so much to learn! I do not think it is wise for the first girl to stay with him either. Clearly he has no respect for either of these women!
Anyways, this is just my own opinion. If the woman responds to my questions, I will update!
When it comes to the BDSM world, we have a responsibility, whether you’re a top or bottom to keep safety and consent in line, and the most important part of a relationship, or scene. With that being said, a safe word is very important. (To those who say you don’t need one, or say they don’t have one, clearly doesn’t understand, and needs a bit more education).
Now, you mostly see submissives/bottoms using a safe word, should the scene or something go too far and they cannot handle the situation. This should be taken seriously, and done only when it is necessary.
Calling a safe word to just be a brat, is NOT okay!!!
When I was single, and meeting potential dominants, I always asked them THEIR hard limits. Yes, they have them too. For instance, what if someone wasn’t okay with using a flogger on my back? I personally love this, but if they aren’t okay, not only would I NOT pressure them into doing it, or shaming them for not being into it, they could of course call a safe word.
Pressuring a Dominant into something, is strict reason to call RED on ANY scene!
This of course is NOT the only time to do so. Perhaps you are in a scene, and they feel that submissive is endangering themselves? Emotionally they just cannot call a safe word, or perhaps they feel that they HAVE to endure something far to much, in order to please the dominant? It is a dominants duty to ensure the safety of their submissive, so in this instance, them calling a red, or silently ending the scene is something that is needed.
I can admit, my own dominant has ended a scene for me, far far far to early then I would have proffered. I was enjoying it far too much, but emotionally most of me just wanted to endure it far more, to please him! I was sad, I won’t lie, but in retrospect I appreciate the fact he did this. He didn’t verbally command RED to end the scene, but he knew deep down, it was the right thing to end it, and go into after care.
I do not think it belongs to ONLY one side. When one person in the equation feels it goes too far, they should call it!!!!
Now, there is a need to push! Push in a gentle way, slowly, and clearly pay attention. Sometimes my past trauma gets in my way. I want to push myself just as much as my dominant does. To grow more emotionally and physically. Sometimes though this is more damaging. I get thrown into a panic attack, but it could have been prevented had I called RED when I felt it coming.
There are other signs, especially if you know your bottom well enough.
Signs are different for everyone, but I cannot stress it enough to truly call a safe word, whether you are a top or bottom. If you truly feel it is needed, and necessary to keep the scene and relationship safe, sane, and consensual!!!
Now I’d like to take a moment to thank my Master for giving me this topic to write about!!!
I Love You, my Master!!!
Having a great night with two new friends that we met on fetlife and got to have dinner with tonight! Had a blast!!!
Thank you so much Twisted_Dahlia and Twistedpup for coming to dinner with Kayden, and Merrek and I. We hope you had just as much fun conversing even if the waitress was a bit slow.
Cant wait for our next one!!!
I Am Grateful!!!
Call me old fashioned, but etiquette, propriety, respect are important to me. I recently wrote a post about how dominants shouldn’t contact me, without contacting my owner, and heck, they should be introduced to me by my owner!
So now I want to talk about the submissive side of it. I do not feel it is okay for a submissive to contact dominants either. I feel that if you are a single submissive, then the dominant should choose to contact you. If the dominant has a submissive, then I find it VERY disrespectful for a submissive to contact that dominant.
I believe the submissive should be friends with the dominants submissive, and his submissive should introduce them, if she/he feels like that is something they want to do. The reason I say this, is because I have had submissives contact my owner. It is written that we are monogmous all over the place, and yet they contact him, begging and pleading to be his submissive now, or try to turn him into a poly style dominant.
Granted, I trust my owner completely. We do not hide anything from each other. Keep that in mind when contacting us. We often read our messages out loud, or share them with each other, etc etc etc. If I am worried about something, I definately share it, and he handles it.
He trusts me just the same, but to me it is shady. Why go behind my back to contact my owner? Why not befriend both of us? Why not come and be my friend? I find the submissives that do this; go behind my back, are the ones whom are shady. They want to try and steal my relationship! I’ve had male and female submissives attempt to do this.
So yeah, I am old fashioned, I find it trashy for a submissive to do this, and to me, and this is my own opinion, makes them seem slightly desperate!
You will find the right dominant or submissive if you just persevere and never give up!
So stop trying to sneak your way into my relationship….