I am the canvas

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Someone made a comment that a BDSM relationship is like a coloring book. The submissive draws the lines of her BDSM picture, and it is the dominant that must stay within those lines!!! However within those lines, he may do whatever it is he desires! This to me is a great representation in a metaphor of what is a BDSM relationship. Though it makes me wonder.

Does the submissive truly color the lines???

I know as a submissive, I struggle. On more than just my D/s relationship. I struggle with every day things. My master keeps me in check, gives me things to do, and helps me to grow into a better person. Something I fail in doing on my own. Heck, I fail most times being a submissive as well.

I am good when the tough times are here. I can buckle down, and face the storm if I am forced too, but when I am not, I struggle. To take care of myself, and my world around me. That is where Kayden comes in. Kayden guides me, for when the storm isn’t here. Sure, he would be my shield, and knight in rusty armor, during a storm if I needed it. However, I find it is HE who helps me to maintain myself when I am thrown into a chaos of calmness!

Nothing really bad is happening right now in my life!!!

Bills are paid, food in my belly, roof over my head. My child wants for nothing, and she is well cared for and loved. Heck we even finished our Christmas cards that we are sending to wounded soldiers early. We may not be rich in financial means, but we are rich in love, and happiness.

So WHY….WHY am I struggling in my submission, and feel as though I am in chaos mode??

I cannot explain it. Perhaps it is because during these times, I either don’t know what to do, or am preparing for my world to crumble? I am not use to calm, peace, happy worlds. I am used to chaos, and everything that comes with it.

So I wonder; Do I as a submissive color my own lines???

I really don’t think I do. If I did, I think I wouldn’t feel this way. I would have more limits? I would have more self control over things. I would feel happy, and beautiful, and peaceful, when times deserve it.

I guess?

I don’t think I draw the lines…

Master draws the lines, AND he colors the picture!!!

I am just the canvas on which he does it!!!

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