When it comes to the BDSM world, we have a responsibility, whether you’re a top or bottom to keep safety and consent in line, and the most important part of a relationship, or scene. With that being said, a safe word is very important. (To those who say you don’t need one, or say they don’t have one, clearly doesn’t understand, and needs a bit more education).
Now, you mostly see submissives/bottoms using a safe word, should the scene or something go too far and they cannot handle the situation. This should be taken seriously, and done only when it is necessary.
Calling a safe word to just be a brat, is NOT okay!!!
When I was single, and meeting potential dominants, I always asked them THEIR hard limits. Yes, they have them too. For instance, what if someone wasn’t okay with using a flogger on my back? I personally love this, but if they aren’t okay, not only would I NOT pressure them into doing it, or shaming them for not being into it, they could of course call a safe word.
Pressuring a Dominant into something, is strict reason to call RED on ANY scene!
This of course is NOT the only time to do so. Perhaps you are in a scene, and they feel that submissive is endangering themselves? Emotionally they just cannot call a safe word, or perhaps they feel that they HAVE to endure something far to much, in order to please the dominant? It is a dominants duty to ensure the safety of their submissive, so in this instance, them calling a red, or silently ending the scene is something that is needed.
I can admit, my own dominant has ended a scene for me, far far far to early then I would have proffered. I was enjoying it far too much, but emotionally most of me just wanted to endure it far more, to please him! I was sad, I won’t lie, but in retrospect I appreciate the fact he did this. He didn’t verbally command RED to end the scene, but he knew deep down, it was the right thing to end it, and go into after care.
I do not think it belongs to ONLY one side. When one person in the equation feels it goes too far, they should call it!!!!
Now, there is a need to push! Push in a gentle way, slowly, and clearly pay attention. Sometimes my past trauma gets in my way. I want to push myself just as much as my dominant does. To grow more emotionally and physically. Sometimes though this is more damaging. I get thrown into a panic attack, but it could have been prevented had I called RED when I felt it coming.
There are other signs, especially if you know your bottom well enough.
Signs are different for everyone, but I cannot stress it enough to truly call a safe word, whether you are a top or bottom. If you truly feel it is needed, and necessary to keep the scene and relationship safe, sane, and consensual!!!
Now I’d like to take a moment to thank my Master for giving me this topic to write about!!!