Hearing Her Cry

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Corrective spankings are part of @amysubmits and I’s domestic discipline relationship. I use them when she’s violated a rule that I’ve laid out and she’s agreed to. We still occasionally do play spanking, but those are moderate slaps slowly ramped up that are meant to arouse, not correct. The corrective spankings are hard, sudden, and painful.

When we talked about starting these blogs, we wanted to share some raw emotions and moments we didn’t see shared often. I’ve had difficulty doing that, it’s hard not to perform an identity.

@amysubmits is an intelligent, respectful, and obedient woman. I don’t need to give her corrective spankings very often. I’ve had to give her multiple recently. And they had to be particularly severe, her offense was being lazy about birth control, careless actions that could have had unimaginably dramatic effects on our lives.

I love this dynamic. I love to dominate her and I love how much she gets off on submitting to me. I love that she trusts me enough to control and correct her. I don’t want to change anything.

But man, spanking the woman you love more than anything in the world, really fucking hard, hearing her cry because of what you are are doing, it’s not a good feeling. It honestly hurts your heart. Maybe this issue comes from the fact that the D/s aspect relationship has only recently come into a clear focus over the last year, and these feelings will pass. I don’t think so though.

I have questioned myself. And I think it’s smart to often question yourself when you’re outside of mainstream human behavior. The questions are usually some variation of: am I enabling some form of self-harm? Am I doing harm to the person I need to protect?

It’s a tricksy question. In a completely literal sense I am doing physical harm to her, you can’t really deny that. But using physical harm to restructure behavior is a tool used by several mainstream institutions. Would I be doing any less harm to her by forcing her run laps over and over until her body forced her to vomit, as high school football coaches do to their students? Would I be doing any less harm to her by screaming at her over and over, scaring and intimidating her, as drill sergeants do to recruits in boot camp?
Pain can be a path to discipline. A timeless, obvious lesson.

Now it’s funny, neither of us believe in spanking for children. There is research that says it’s either not-effective or even counter-effective. I think what can make the difference in a domestic discipline relationship is obviously that both parties have fully developed adult minds but also that they both give consent. The spanked child has no choice. The spanked woman (or man if you prefer) can either ask the spanking part of their relationship stop or leave that relationship. When they are spanked, they are not merely having discipline imposed on them as children are, they are active participants in imposing discipline on themselves with help, through their consent. I beleive that can make a big difference in corrective spanking efficacy.

I also think it can be ironically therapeutic. It allows a release of guilt and anxiety. Maybe not an immediate release, but by forcing her to confront her actions she is forced to process the emotions behind those actions & the emotions caused by those actions. It stops these things from festering.

It hurts to hear your person cry. Your instinct is to kill whatever is making this happen, so it’s natural to question yourself when it’s your hand making her cry. So I think on how using pain for discipline is a common trope, how it helps her confront her own actions and emotions, and how she is an active participant in her discipline through her consent. And then I feel relatively better.

When I’m spanking her, it still hurts to hear her cry.
But a lot of things worth doing hurt.

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