When I first entered my D/s relationship I knew a bit more about myself. I have done intense research on fetishes, and stuff of that sort to know what I am interested in, what I may like, and what is something I cannot fathom ever doing. Over the years I have taken the online ones and used them as templates to start off. When I come to one I do not understand I research it. Learning about the definition of it, seeing items that go with it, reading articles, talking to people and of course porn. All of it, are great ways to learn. Of course no research is better than trying something yourself safely. However there are things I will not do. I have never done them, and they are a hard no!! Regardless!!!
It really is to each their own. What is good for me, may not be good for someone else. I have made many friends along this journey, mostly through research and discussing things. I have several blogs on the web that I write in, and update. One of my favorite blogs is written by a man that calls himself the Romantic Dominant. I love his blog because he write poetry about the lifestyle and his submissive, and reads them out loud on audio clips. Of course I have many blogs I read, for their experiences, Ideas, and of course their naughty ways. To really choose one as my ultimate favorite is hard. My owner writes a blog as well, but it is very slow. He works so much he has little to no time to do it.
“That she requires a material, external focus for her submission, i.e. the dominant, does not alter the fact that on the spiritual level her submission is essentially introverted. One could say that through the dominant she submits to herself by proxy.” J. Mikael Togneri
This quote helps me a little. In a way through my Master I am serving myself as well. My inner most needs are to serve, be pleasing, wanted, loved, cherished, and of course dominated. I give into myself more and more each time I serve my Master. I notice I do try to hide who I am when I am alone, yet through my Master I truly accept myself and see myself as beautiful, where as I usually see myself lost, and broken. Ugly fragments of something that could exist beautifully. We are harsher on ourselves than the rest of the world, so to let that go, because my Master demands it of me, makes me accept my inner most self, as anything else but ugly, lost, and broken.
Of course this doesn’t affect me when we are into our naughty play scenes. My Master calls me his beautiful pet, kitten, babygirl, love, submissive, girlfriend, wife, kajira, slave and sooooo much more, but these loving endearments can also be words during our kinky play when he speaks words like: my dirty whore, needy little slut, cum dispenser, filthy cunt, etc. During these times sure they are a little degrading, but they arouse me to no end, and it is during these times that he calls me these, and ONLY these times. Never in the vanilla life, does he say, Hey Dirty Cunt, get over here and get me coffee. He respects me, and he uses them at appropriate times, so he doesnt damage me emotionally.
All in all I think I lucked out. My relationship with my Master flourishes. He respects me as a person, and that is what really matters. I know we both cannot live without the D/s lifestyle but we have discussed it. If we truly could not have it, we would be happy just being together. My Master is mybest friend, my lover, my Dominant, and the entire world to me. Knowing he respects me as a person, helps me to submit more to his desires.