If someone had asked me about 10 years ago where I saw myself in a relationship, I would never have responded as someones submissive. Now, I cannot think of having a vanilla relationship. I do not believe I would be happy to be honest. I need to be owned, and I need that collar on my neck, and that service. As little as it may be due to my injury and health. I have noticed that during sexual times, it isnt always kinky, fetish relief, sometimes my master is just romantic and in the mood to make love, but too I have noticed that…sometimes the vanilla side of sex, doesnt even turn me on anymore. This scares me a little. I know there is that need within me, to be submissive, to show my submission, to live it 24 hours a day, but if even vanilla foreplay doesnt turn me on, then one day, will my normal kinky fetishes still turn me on?
I have thought about this many times to be honest. I believe I wrote about it before, in my enough is enough article. I dont want to be that person where one kink got me totally off to cloud nine, but six months later, I need to moe extremes, and if so, will my current D/s relationship even be enough? I love my master, and I feel so connected, so safe, and loved, and wanted, but I am often so far in my head, I fear I am going to fuck it up.
This past week, master and I made it to the dungeon. It was very very quiet, hardly anyone there, but we did meet a girl. She is submissive, but was new, and single. Master and I do not currently play with others at this time, since our relationship is far to new, we want to have a firm stable ground for us, before play partners. However we barely have friends outside of online in our lifestyle. So we are trying to make them. It is important for us, me especially, because in my daily life no one understands me, or knows the real me, and those vanilla people in my life that do know that I am submissive, tease and mock me any chance they get.
So to have friends with the same minds as us, it brings us closer, helps us to feel that we do belong somewhere. Not only that but we are indeed not the only ones that experience what we do. It is hard as it is being in a D/s relationship, let alone two women, and then one of them has a gender role switch. Finding a place to belong is important. At the same time, it is wise for us to stick together. We come under so much ridicule now, people calling it abusive, and disgusting, even more so since those horrid 50 shades of grey books came out, and then the movie. *sighs* it shines a negative light on us, so we need to ban together, and teach people that we aren’t monsters!
Most think it is all pain, and abusive, and beating someone, or youre lazy so you make someone you slave to do it all, and that slave is dumb and weak for allowing it. This isnt true of course, but you can see, and hear it all the time. I serve my master in D/s, in vanilla world. He doesn’t serve me, but he does take care of me. Especially now, since I am injured from work. I would never say my master serves me, everything he does is HIS choice, and I wouldnt want him to anyways it is just our roles, but sometimes when I am laying on my side, crying my eyes out from the pain, and I want some water. Hearing my master say, ‘Don’t worry baby girl, I will go get it, you just try to relax.”
Just knowing he is choosing to take care of me, makes me fall in love all over again. I belong to him, and we belong to this world.