I Fail At Being A Lesbian

EPIC FAIL! red Rubber Stamp over a white background.

So, it’s not new that Mistress and I are new to strap- on toys, and what not. This is my first physical relationship with a woman. First time going down on one, fingering one, fucking one, so yes a lot of firsts for me, these past 5 months. So it makes sense that I write about things that are funny in our D/s lifestyle. Mainly because I enjoy laughing, it something that comforts me, and secondly, the very intimate parts of our relationship, are just that. Ours! Only rarely will I post something very intimate, but it is always under my Mistress’ instruction.

This writing isn’t long, but I wanted to share at how I fail at being sexy, or remotely a lesbian!

Picture this: Your walking into the house, the soft hues of sunlight surround you, giving you that golden aura of beauty. Your Dominant sitting there on the sofa, watching as you sensually move across the floor, each step bringing you closer and closer. You get to them with a wink, then lean down, hair cascading down your back and shoulders as you move closer, and closer. Your aim, to kiss them passionately, arousing them, because you are extremely sexy in this very moment.

But wait..your hand on the arm of the recliner chair nearest you both is shifting. The chair is pushing back on the floor as you lean in to kiss your Dom. It happens so quickly you cannot stop it, and instead of kissing them…

WHAM!!

You head butt the shit out of them. Nothing sensual, nothing sexy…MAJOR fail, leaving them groaning on the couch, and you moving to the damn chair, laughing hysterically for the next thirty minutes!

FAIL!!

Which you’d think would be my only fail that day. NOPE

Later that night Mistress and I went to bed. Though this time I wanted to fuck her with her strap on. Not to Dom her or anything, just to make her feel amazing. Mind you this is my first time using it, and of course, with a broken knee.

Suits up! yep, love how I met your mother

I begin. I manage to find the hole, how the hell you men do this daily, is beyond me. It’s like finding a needle in the haystack. I forgive any man that accidentally tried to slip it in my butt! With that said, I find the hole…Hallelujah and it begins. Things are going great.

Thrusts….Thrusts more….Thrusts harder…Deeper…..OWWWW FUCK!!!

My knee is like Nope…you’re done….but its been like what…ten minutes at most? UGH

So Mistress says, she will ride it. Well, it worked for a good ten minutes more, before..Oww…Owwwwww…OUCH! my hip pops, and NOPEDone…get off me while I cry.

FAIL!!!

So, being 31 with broken knees, and bad hips I feel like I am 80, and clearly….I need practice, but it was a few more things, Mistress and I get to laugh at on our journey!

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