Proud of myself

proud

Wants, desires, needs, are all things we go through. Whether vanilla, or into the lifestyle. Sometimes they are easy to obtain, or manage, but often times the obstacles can be overbearing. One thing I want more than anything in this world to do is finish school. I have an AA degree in psychology, criminal justice, and forensic science. I never got to finish for two reasons. One being the money. It became far too costly for me to remain in college, with all the court fees we had. Second was when we got custody of our daughter, she was so far behind in life, that I had to stay home, and home school her, and what not. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay at home mother, it’s one of the most hardest duties in this world, but sometimes I want more.

It is hard to explain, I sometimes change my mind a lot. I am very indecisive. I want to contribute to life, to my family in more than just being the mother, or cleaner, or chef. I mean anyone can say, in my relationship I just want trust, honesty, etc. I want these as well, but I want more. I want love, romance, affection, and to NOT feel like a burden. I know I am sick, and because of my knee I can do a whole lot of walking, or standing, but I want to, at least for a little while, have a job, contribute, and feel like I have a purpose. I want my partner to see that I try hard to be pleasing, to contribute, to want to take care of them, as much as they take care of me.

I know I will in time. I have come so far since my Mistress has collared me. I know I will contribute, and have more of a purpose when we move in together. I am proud of myself. I dont like anyone looking at my vagina, because of my scares on my thighs, and the fact my vagina is always red. I am allergic to my own secretions. My skin is so sensitive that I have to be very careful what kind of soaps I use, detergents, etc. So Mistress kept the lights on, and just looked at my pussy. She played with it, inspected me, looked at it, and even took a picture. I am proud because I wasnt ashamed after she started, I wasnt embarassed really anymore, and it actually turned me on.

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