In my vanilla life I run the show. I hate it! I hate having to make all the decisions. I hate being in control of everything, but the truth of the matter is. I am in charge! So it is hard to first get out of this mindset, but at the same time, I do not like to waiver on my decisions. I am old school in my thinking. When I say something, it goes. I am not one usually to want input. Take for instance my daughter. To me kids are to be told what to do, and they do it. That is my FIRM belief. It is how I was raised.
However now that my daughter can think for herself, she hasn’t managed well under strict corporal control. That is how I describe it, but then again I raised her to not be reserved. I want her to be strong, to stand up for herself, her beliefs, and to help protect those weaker than she. So with her therapy, because of everything we have been through, we have begun working on negotiations. For instance, she wanted to stay up an hour later on school nights. I want her to drop her teenager attitude. So we negotiated. I will give her an extra hour, but she cannot give me any attitude anymore. SUCCESS
There are moments I realize I have changed. Like this negotiating. I know there are things that cannot be negotiated on within this lifestyle. My Needs, are NON negotiable. If I am not getting what I need, it either needs to be remedied fast, or I need to rethink the current relationship, and go from there. My wants however can be negotiated. Which isn’t easy for me to do. Mistress and I negotiate. Though sometimes it doesn’t seem as what it is. For instance, she calls me princess. Not in a bad sense. So, I whimper, and act all cute and say I want a tiara. She says I don’t need one, but if I behave I can have a stuffy. Fair deal, and great negotiating.
We know how much I LOVE stuffies
Though these are just materialistic things. Mistress and I are still learning each other, so I am sure there are things that we will negotiate on in the future. Like our contract, and working through my soft limits. Which I am eager to explore. Mistress found out that I enjoy having the blade of dagger run down my back, and up again. I’ve never been cut with it, and I am unsure if I would even like that, but just the sensation of it running over my flesh, and the knowledge of knowing if I move, I could get seriously hurt, is so erotic to me. Sometimes it becomes so intense I have to beg her to stop, or beg Daddy to stop, and I think I have even called my safe word once, because it felt so good that I could not stand it any longer.
It gets to be far to hard to just lay there and receive this. To endure this delicious sensation. Sometimes it is hard to receive anything at all. When my Mistress comes to stay over, she is so intense when it comes to giving me pleasure, and making me edge before I erupt. I am not used to this type of attention. In fact I have never had this type of attention. I have always been the giver, and no one had ever made me orgasm. Until Mistress came along. Granted most of the time it takes me forever…and I mean FOREVER to cum, unless I use toy. So next to my Mistress, my Hitachi wand is my best friend!
Though I must admit there isn’t always things about this lifestyle that I love. So many things are misconstrued. Like how vanilla people associate BDSM with abuse. It really irks me that this happens. There have even been BDSM Consensual adults whom have lost their children simply because they are into BDSM. This really angers me. Things like 50 shades of Grey give false information, and then what happens is, we get a ton of vanilla people, turned on by the rough sex, and play, and they think that this is what it is all about. It ISN’T People will learn hard lessons this way. This is why I always advise people to educate themselves, and really take your time to get to know people before diving into play.