Grateful Challenge 2016 Day Nineteen

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Grateful Challenge 2016 Day Nineteen

I sit here browsing youtube, for things to help me get into the mind set of writing. Sometimes I suffer severe writers block. Music is a way to get me back into it. Though its times when song really touches home, or brings up that deep memories that I no longer want. I can sit and listen to the song, it makes me cry.

As much as I hate crying, it is good thing. I listened to a song that reminded me of Carlos. I have mixed feelings, especially in a few days, it will be a total of two years. Two years since his death. I was heart broken, and then when I found out certain things, I was angry, and for once hated him. Hearing our song should bring all those emotions up again?

I used to avoid listening to it. It bring up such painful memories. I would cry, and for days after be utterly depressed. I don’t know what is different. What has changed since? I am thankful for music. It is my coping, my inspiration, and it frees my soul. I sing along with songs I enjoy, even if I feel my voice is hugely lacking. It brings back memories, feelings, and well sometimes not always good.

So I am happy that I am able to start letting go. It takes time, it doesn’t just happen but just like I can go from one song that makes me so sad, because of what it reminds me. I can instantly be back to dancing in my seat, laughing to a song that makes me happy. Which I have been listening to more lately. More happy songs. I have been happier, and that just makes me smile.

So today, I am grateful for music.

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