I am so nervous. Mistress, Daddy and I are going to attend our first BDSM meetup. Granted its a vanilla event, called BAD MOVIE NIGHT!! Basically we watch really terribly made low budget films, and just enjoy it. So I am terrified yet excited!
I am most surely going to be under strict protocol. Which I do not mind. I actually like protocol. It is easier to follow and submit too, because I know what I can and cannot do. Though Mistress is pretty good at letting me know when it is high protocol time. I really dont like to mess up, and even though am far from perfect, knowing when I can goof off some, and test boundaries and when I cannot is far better for my submission.
Granted no matter what I am doing, I am ALWAYS in service to my Mistress and Daddy. I have chores around the house. Normal things. Laundry, cleaning the kitchen, stuff like that. I hate chores. Sometimes I will be like..Nope..I dont wanna….but Mistress or Daddy puts me in my place, and I do them. I have a bedtime, which for someone who suffers severe insomnia is veryvery difficult to abide.
I have rules I have to follow. Like writing in my blog everyday. Mostly I am to write about my submission, how I grow, and such, but I do blog lots of things. Depending on where I am actually blogging. Tumblr you see, are my writings, but also erotic photos, other peoples stories, artwork, poetry, etc etc. WordPress is strictly writing, with some picture to go with it, and of course my fetlife. So I add content everywhere. I have even posted a few of my non BDSM entries on my facebook. *wriggles her eyebrows*
I have other duties too, wearing my hair a certain way, which I do most of the time, but someties it gets really hot, so I have to just toss it up in a bun. Writing in my blogs is way to save my sanity though, and even though it might sometimes feel like a chore to me, I find it theraputic. Even if no one reads what I write, (Though now I know at least someone does), I can find a way to release negative feelings. So it helps me not to lose my mind.
Which makes me feel better. In fact I cannot recall the last time I was indeed this happy. Ive been so trapped in a sadness bubble, that seeing myself smile all the time now, or laughing a lot, is really different to me. I feel like a different person, and though I still have my down days. Like the days I really feel disconnected from my Mistress, and so it makes me depressed and lonely, I can say I am having less of them. There are many things in this world that make me smile, and laugh, but to truly say one thing in general makes me happy?
Happy is a term I dont know. Somehow, I will have to find out what truly in this world makes me the happiest. For now though, I feel happy, and it is for many, many many reasons!!