Grateful Challenge Day Three:
I am finding solace. I am learning to cope with things I wish didn’t happen in my life yet I cannot change. I have been a very angry person for so long, and sometimes the rage in me I cannot control. It is hard to explain. I can feel this boiling sensation in my blood. It builds, and builds, and as much as I try to breathe, to count to ten, to find an outlet to stop it, I can’t. It rises and rises until it reaches the top, and I either erupt in this angry hateful shouting match, or I burst into tears.
So I am finding solace. I am grateful that I am starting to find peace. It isn’t easy for me at all. I don’t trust and when I finally give trust it is the hardest thing I can do. Same goes with forgiveness. I am not an easily forgiving person. It is near impossible for me to ever let go to the point of offering it. So I cannot say that I have found peace. That would be a false statement. I can however say that I am FINDING peace. In what little ways I can.
So I have started to find peace in things I cannot change. It has helped. I am grateful for the days this anger does not control me. I am grateful for the patience I am beginning to learn to give myself. I am grateful that I am starting to see things differently to know that I am not perfect. To accept I cannot change things when they are out of my control. I am learning to let go, and as difficult as that is for me. As frightening that it is, I am grateful!