I live in a house with 8 other people. It is loud, chaotic, and I hate it. I look forward to days they have to go run errands, and kids are in school. I am happy though that my mother is getting healthier, it means I can move out again. Not right away of course, but when the time is right. It makes me value being silent. Having silence in my life is blessing, and it helps keep my mind clear. It is odd, I come from a LARGE LOUD family, something I should be used too, but now. Now being around loud crowds, just makes me tired, drained, emotional. I need silence!

So it makes sense now these days that being alone calms me down, but the sad thing is, being alone makes me so depressed and lonely. Go Figure, Right? There however outside of being with my Mistress only one other place I have ever felt true calmness, a peace the comes over me, and that is in the ocean. Whether out on a ship, or knee deep on the beach, clearly being in the water calms me. I feel at home there.

I feel so at home and peaceful there, that I really want my collaring ceremony at the ocean. Granted wherever I have it, will be perfect but I think combining my Mistress, with the ocean, will be amazing. I take collars seriously, and so when I feel ready to enter one, I do it for the long hall, not some short distance sprint. It is why I follow strict collar ettiquette. When you leave a collar, you return it. Though I like a day collar for normal every day things, and a steel collar for scenes, and stuff relating to this nature. I am by far NOT a fan of leather, lace, or any of those kinds of collars. I have no idea why, I just dont.

Might be something I should research in the future. Buy one of each, test them out and figure out why I dont like them. Though currently I am working on emotional things in my life. I need to be able to let go of things, so I can move onto a better future. Baby steps is what I am doing. Its all I can do right now.


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