My Mistress was here for two WHOLE days. I was really nervous because I knew her staying the night for a few days, meant I would have sexual encounters with her. Things I have never done before. She knew exactly how I felt too, and didnt rush things. When she touched me, it took a LONG time to reach an orgasm, and it wasnt that explosive kind. *Sorry my Mistress* It was amazing to feel though, even if it was a small one.
Though the BIG night came. The NIGHT I would eat my Mistresses pussy. I always told myself I woul never ever ever ever go down on a woman. Just the thought of it weireded me out. *Thank you Society* BUT I did it. Not ONLY did I do this with my Mistress, I made her reach an orgasm so intense it made her tummy ache. She came so hard her muscles locked up. She even shoved my head away like some little sex object she was done with.
IT WAS AMAZING!!!
Now my Mistress didnt force me to do this. I told her I wanted to do this, that I needed to, and she didnt just shove my head down there. She eased me down, I was nervous, shy, embarrassed that I wanted to do this, and yet she guided me. She told me I was doing the a good job, that I was doing it right. *Thank You Porn*
The only time I have ever felt her push me, was when we had an argument. Maybe she pushes me and I dont realize it in other areas of my life, but this one time we had an argument. It was really upsetting, and I was done. I was going to be my normal self and internalize everything and just leave.
Me: I dont want to talk, I dont feel submissive right now, I just want to go
Mistress: I dont stop being a your Dominant just because I am mad at you!
Me: fjfdfjdlfjfllljfkljflkjfla *touche my Mistress*
Mistress: Strip and kneel, and we will work through this.
Me: Does this, and feels a bit of grounding, then we talk and work through crap.
Not only did this help, and not only did this push me to actually CHANGE my ways, and habits, it built more trust for me with her. She didnt LET me walk away. She didnt allow me to give up, and every day when my insecurities kick in, she reassures me. These are things I need. I do not expect them at all, but the *good girl* or *I am so proud of you, mine!* make all the difference, especially if I feel dumb or feel my walls going back up.
I trust her!
Which means EVERYTHING to me. Since I Do NOT trust anyone. One of my weaknesses is believing there is good in everyone. I get hurt. A LOT. Not from romantic partners either. Granted I have in the past. People I consider my friends hurt me ALL the time. What I dont understand is why? Why do you lie to someone? Is my friendship not important enough to be honest to me? Sadly I dont give second chances. To a select few I have, because I believed a friend makes mistakes and you should forgive them.
I am sorry, but I might forgive you for stupid little things, like forgetting my bday, or something. To me those are small, but if you lie…We Are Done! That is unforgivable. My Mistress has never lied to me. She is there for me. She is my strength. I have found in her everything my life has been missing. She has also given me the courage to admit that unhealthy friendships, are just that. UnHealthy. I refuse to be apart of it. I do not need negativity in my life. I do not need drama, or anything that is going to bring me down.
I am PROUD to say I Trust My Mistres!!
So I will end today’s rant with my favorite quote. It has nothing to do with BDSM, or love, or friendship. It is just my favorite quote, and actually. Its part of a poem!
“What though the radiance that was once so bright, be now forever taken from my sight. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.” — William Wordsworth