A Task from my Mistress!!
How have I grown????
It has been a really long time since I was under anyones proper guidance and control. For the most part if I had a Dom online or what not I was usually just told I was trusted enough to be on my own. No one ever stuck up for me, defended me, or gave me any type of structure to follow. This of course never lasted, and usually when I had an issue with something that a Dom I was owned by did, I just internalized it, and kept it to myself.
When I was younger my father would cheat on my mom, and then empty out our bank accounts and run off with some woman. My mother would struggle at first but we would finally get a routine going, and we worked well with my dad gone. Then she would take my dad back after the new woman left him, and it was just a vicious cycle over and over again. So I watched my mom, walk on egg shells, giving my father whatever he wanted, when he wanted it, so he wouldnt leave usagain.
I didnt realize I did this too. I wouldnt speak up for myself, afraid if I had any issue at all with someone I was with, they would just leave me! I guess I have abandonment issues? Surely thats been noticed. Anyways since I came under your consideration and now fully into your collar, I have noticed that I am putting forth proper effort into truly being your submissive.
When I have an issue I voice it, sometimes I need a little encouragement if I fear its something really bad, but I have noticed that from the moment we got together I was able to stand up and say…No, I dont like this, please dont do it again. It started before I was even in your consideration collar, and I must admit it was a BIG relief that when I did, and you didnt leave, it made me trust you more.. I was able to give trust! Something I havent done in years! Actually to be honest in over a decade.
Not only that, I have been able to voice my fantasy, and desires and not be mocked. I NEVER talked about this with anyone. Sure I can write it in my blog, but how many of my amazing followers truly talk to me outside of viewing my things? So it is easy to write about them, NOT easy for me to voice them on skype, or in person. I am opening up, and my wall is coming down. I never thought that to be possible!
So this was supposed to be done by the time I entered your collar, which is funny because I have been working on it, I just wanted it perfect and our plan was to meet in January. That surprise of you coming to visit me on the 16th, was so wonderful, it touched my heart deeply. So thats when I devised that gift. My papers!
I wasnt sure if I was going to give it to you. I was worried because I have never had a relationship with a woman. At least not one that wasnt online and I could actually touch and kiss and such. So I was petrified. I didnt know if I would like being with a woman. I didnt know if kissing one would turn me on or off. I didnt know how I would feel with a woman touching me! So I figured if I didnt like it I was simply going to say this wasnt going to work for me, lets just be friends!
I was SHOCKED by how your kisses moved me. Made me melt more into your arms. Your touch on my skin caused trails of fires over my flesh, and made me more aroused then I have ever been! Then you did the unthinkable, you made me cum! OMG I wasnt NOT expecting your hands between my thighs that day! Sex was farthest from my mind, I just wanted to be with you. So it was easy for me to say, here is your gift and my answer, and watch you open it.
I am a very sentimental person, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE romance. I love to be romantic, and have romance in my life. I think it is a need to be honest. I get depressed without some sort of romance in my life, but see thats just it. I can tell you these things! I remember that night we had kind of a spat online where I was just going to leave. Typical Rune moment. Just internalize and leave when things get messy.
YOU wouldnt let me. You made me strip, kneel, and tell you my issues. I got to tell you what I needed out of our relationship, and instead of being like some Domineering men I know, and saying well, I am your Mistress I will do what I want, which deep down I know you can and would if you felt strongly for it, you listened. You set boundaries with me so this wouldnt happen again, and you actually kept your word. Something few people have ever done for me.
It made me respect you, and appreciate you more, and made me less fearful about coming to you with things. Ive been kinder since I have been yours, I have been more open in how I feel, and I have expressed my fantasies, my desires, and you know these things about me and still say you love me! You have given me a handler, which is something new for us both, and I will strive for perfection in serving him, just as I serve you my Mistress.
I suppose the biggest change I have seen, is that it is not a game anymore. To me it is so real, and I am so eagerly aching for more of your Dominance. I crave every last drop of it, and all I want now is to remain pleasing you, and serving you how you desire it.
I love you my Mistress! 12.16.15