Time For A Change


NO this is NOT a news years resolution list. It was just something my Mistress wanted me to do!

Write a list of ALL the things you wish to change about yourself and write why you wish to make these changes, IN DETAIL. I want at least ONE paragraph for each change you wish to make.


I am by far NOT a patient person! When I want something, I want it right then and there. If I cannot obtain it, then I get grumpy. I really need to practice at being patient because sometimes the feelings are so intense that they hurt. So I think if I work harder to be just a little bit more patient that could help with many issues in my life.


Anyone that knows me well enough, knows that I procrastinate. I have a lack of desire to NOT do things I dont want to do. I know everyone does, but mine is very intense to the point I will intentionally put off chores, as LONG as I possibly can. Though this is something I have never been able to fix. I have done this since I was a child.


A terrible trait I inherited from my parents. I don’t think I’ve ever really had a savings. And pretty much since I’ve had a credit card I’ve carried some sort of balance on it. The older I get the bigger that balance seems to be. Its just completely against my nature to save, perhaps because it requires patience.


I have many insecurities, mostly having to do with either being abandoned, a burden, or that I am not safe. Being raped, kidnapped, molested, and nearly killed will put a HUGE burden on anyone. I am CONSTANTLY watching cars as they drive by checking for Washington license plates. Checking faces of people in the crowd to see if that woman or her family is there. In relationships I worry that I will never be good enough for anyone. Its a constant fear that they will leave.


For obvious reasons. Its just chemicals and though I love the carbonation and such I would like to have the willpower to find other ways to stay alert, but are better for me.


By this I mean the way I see myself. I still see myself as that woman that was 320 lbs. I dont find myself beautiful at all. I am not sure if this is because I was told by my father and such that I was ugly for so long. In fact it wasnt just my father, it was other people too. People I dated, they broke up with me, and actually said its because I wasnt super model pretty, etc. I am trying hard though to find thing beautiful about myself, I know it wont happen over night.


This is obvious as well. I want to be emotionally and physically healthy! Get rid of the PCOS, Get rid of my Uterus in general! I want to get through my mental issues that I consider to be road blocks. I just want to feel healthy, look healthy, and STAY healthy!


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