I broke my left knee a few years back. I snapped a tendon, then tore my acl and meniscus. Funny thing is I didn’t know I did this, and I had walked on it for two weeks, and by the time I knew it was actually injured and went to see an orthopedic surgeon it had healed wrong. I was informed I would suffer from severe nerve damage in the future, I wont have full use of my leg, which I don’t to this day, and that I would eventually need surgery in the future.
The reason I bring that up is because it causes a HUGE issue in regards to me kneeling. Which I cannot stand because kneeling before my Dominant is what makes me feel really submissive. My Mistress likes me to kneel or sit at her feet when she is sitting. If she is standing the only time I would kneel, if it weren’t for a photo shoot, would be when I am in trouble.
To me kneeling doesn’t make you submissive. You can still serve and perform your duties without having to kneel a single moment. I just find it intimate, and erotic. It just sucks that I can only do it for a few minutes at a time, when really I want to do it as often as possible. Though realistically we both know thats not possible. It also is embarrassing that I might have to have help off the floor, because of the pain in my knee and the fact my leg doesn’t bend or straighten all the time.
I know there will be times I will kneel before my Mistress when I have done wrong or failed her. I welcome discipline, not just for the fact that it is a consequence to any screw up I have, which is quickly rectified, but the fact it allows me an chance to grow in a positive way through her guidance. I live for these moments. Sure I might get a spanking, or have to stand in the corner, write sentences, or other forms of punishment, but my Mistress knows nothing she does is worse then me eating at myself for disappointing or angering her.
Though I admit her rules are pretty simple, and I appreciate that of her. I’ve had some really strict owners in the past, and I felt as if I suffocated. I don’t have any rules in regards to bed times or stuff like that, but my Mistress does sometimes tell me to go to bed because I have sleeping issues. I do though need to message my Mistress often, because she worries over me, and if I want to have an orgasm without her here, I must ask her first via the phone, skype, email etc.
Which makes me feel more submissive, especially when I have to keep in contact. She gives me little tasks here and there to complete throughout my day, and well that only makes it more intense. When I do my daily tasks, I like to imagine it was my Mistress that ordered it of me. I find it makes it easier for me to do them, and I put more pride into doing them. I am a bit more respectful to people as well. The reason for this, is because I like to secretly pretend that everyone in the world is into the life style, and so I do not want any bad reflection brought onto my Mistress, because of my behavior.
The best part of the day, is when my Mistress gets home, and I see…Pet…my Rune..or my girl…appear across my screen. Then we discuss our days, and if I am deserving I get a good girl. That makes my day. I have NO idea how other Dominants and submissives can live with their Dominant being long distance, or when they go out of town for work and such. It has been exactly ONE week since I saw my Mistress, and got to kiss her, and feel her touch. I am in agony. I cannot wait to see her again.
I miss you my Mistress!!!