When it comes to my relationships, I need total honesty, and communication. I can handle lack of sense of humor, or extreme intelligence. I really need them to never lie to me, and to always, always, always, communicate with me. Even if it hurts me, I need to know things. I need to be included in decisions. I might take on the roll of submissive, but I am still their equal outside of the D/s dynamic, and decisions include me, they affect me. I know we are just human, so sometimes mistakes happen, and what not, things lightly can be forgiven, but a lie, an ommission, those are damaging. Not communicating, is damaging.
So one thing I cannot handle is NO attention. Granted I am not an attention whore, but I cannot be neglected. So yeah I can admit I have done some fair share of bratting, but not to gain something other than attention. So I can admit, even I have done that, but truthfully I cannot stand that type of behavior. Now if my Dom commands me to do it, sure thats one thing, but even I dont like it, when I do it. It doesnt just happen sometimes either. Its not like I go, Oh hey I just feel like being bratty.
A large part also is about my stress thats outside the dynamic. Just yesterday, I was stressed to no end. I had an argument with family, and there was an issue my Dominant and I had. It wasnt serious really, just a lack of communication, but that mixed with the stress I had that day just blew me over. Now I didnt blow up on my Dominant, instead I waited until I cooled down to bring it to their attention. This doesnt happen everytime. There have been times where I have been so stressed out over other things, that I have taken it out on my Dominant, and threw my fits, and argued etc. It makes me not feel submissive when I am stressed, and so it gets really hard to stay in that mindset.
At the same time when I am stressed I dont feel very feminine or beautiful. This has plagued me for a long long long time because I never feel beautiful. At least based on societies standards or beauty in looks. I have been drilled and drilled over and over again that I am not beautiful, and so I should focus on education, so I can rely on my brains instead of looks to get somewhere in life. So for the longest time I also felt this is what beautiful was. I thought it was that super thing, skin and bones skeleton, america’s next top model, the top brand clothes, and fake plastic surgery!!! I always figured it was looks!
This isnt true anymore, and yes everyday I struggle but I know deep down what truly makes me beautiful. It is my heart! I have a passio to be caring, and generous and I always do my best to see the good in everyone, and everything. I remember a story my mom told me of when I was about 5 or 6 years old. There was a homeless man going through our trash, and I came in crying, because the man was hungry. I asked my mom if I could give him some food. We gave him food, a place to sleep for the night, a hot bath, it was my first time ever helping out someone less fortunate than I.
To this day I still help as much as I can. I volunteer at food banks, I offer money to those that I can when I can, because I am not a billionaire, but if I have a little to spare, you betcha it goes to those in need. I never throw out quality clothes that dont fit, they always go to a shelter, or church, even if I am not religious. I want to make this world a better place, a happier place, especially since I am surrounded by chaos. This moves me more, to not be afraid for what I believe in, and how passionate I am about this. I dont see the probems of the world as others do. We are all humans, and we should help each other out, to survive, not worry about what we may or may not have, or how we are going to get the things we want!
It may not seem beautiful to others, but when I can help, I glow, I am proud of myself, and to me…there is nothing more beautiful!
Being beautiful is more than how many people you can get to look at you, or how others perceive you at a single glance. It’s about what you live for. It’s about what defines you. It’s about the depth of your heart, and what makes you unique. It’s about being who you are and living out your life honestly. It’s about those little quirks that make you, you. People who are only attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t stay by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you. — marcandangel
Funny thing is, I was finished with this prompt WEEKS ago, but I was stuck on beautiful. I cried, I yelled, I screamed, because I couldnt find what was beautiful about me, and that hurt me. Now I know the true meaning of beautiful! I AM BEAUTIFUL!