Pain in the Ass!!!

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I made a vow years ago to myself. That when I blog I will be as honest as possible. I never go fully into detail with some of my entries, mainly because its too painful or embarassing. Sometimes when I get stuck thinking if I should post something or not, I just take a deep breath, and then remind myself that I am on a self journey. That if I hide things away, or am not honest I am only cheating myself! If something becomes to painful emotionally I just breath and let me write it as slowly as I need too. Sometimes my entries take weeks, but they do get done!

I am really sensitive to pain, whether it is emotional of physicial it doesnt matter. Now this doesnt matter when it comes to scenes or play time with my Dominant. I do enjoy some light pain, but I cannot have anything severe. I often see the images of girls with bruises on their asses and such, and I often hope I could have one or two to take pictures of, but truth is, I cannot endure that kind of pain!

So mostly any pain I actually get is generally for punishment and consequences. We dont generally play to hurt me on purpose. Generally it is the form of a spanking, or a paddling, but he knows how extremely sensitive I am, so its easy to bring me to tears with just a few whacks of his belt and such. Sadly it is also very arousing!

I worry though greatly that my desires and fetishes will become too extreme for me to handle. You start out with light play and sooner or later you need more to get aroused and get off. I have experienced these in some non painful fetishes I enjoy, I need more and more of it on different levels to even enjoy it anymore.

I can honestly say though despite my fears and my level of tolerance I find great joy in all of my lifestyle choices.I find joy in all of my servitude, even when I am in suffering during consequences from my Dominant.

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