I am still a submissive even if I dont have a Dominant

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When I am not in a D/s relationship I find myself adhering to some old rules from past Dominants. I do things daily as well, like kneel in three different positions each day for fifteen minutes each. I try to live my life as pleasantly as possible. Being very polite and on my best behavior. When I go out I want to look my best, as if I was representing my Dominant.

I do not meditate or anything really like that, but I do, do yoga a few times a week, and I do like to reflect on myself while I soak in a detoxing bath. Getting my nails done is another ritual I use to reflect my inner soul. Sometimes I just load youtube up with ocean waves and let myself relax and fall asleep, sleeping to the sounds of it all night long.

Granted that is what I do for alone time. If I wanted to be with someone intimately it would take a lot really. I dont just jump into the sack with someone. I have to care for them, and have an emotional connection to even consider being intimate. On top of that they have to be very intelligent people, because intelligence arouses me to no end. I am pansexual so it doesnt matter the gender for me. As long as I can fall on an emotional level, find them intelligent, then chances are I can fall hard and fast for them.

However it hit me hard if I take an interest to someone sexually and I get rejected. I feel slighted, or not good enough for them. I might even go so far as to no speak to them again because for me, if I want to be with someone and I cannot, it hurts and I will want to distance myself from them as much as possible. For me its easier to move on that way.

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