When I first came to the lifestyle I struggled. I have spoken of this before, but I did struggle. I struggled with my upbringing in regards to this. My father was a firm believer in submissive women, where my mother was NOT. Of course they werent in a consensual relationship, my father often was abusive against my mother in several different ways. I dont care to discuss that right now, maybe in a future article.
Society doesnt help either. They try to control you, in regards of what relationships should be like, how to live your life, whats attractive, whats not, etc. So this totally screwed with my mind as well. So as I embarked on this journey, which I admit is still a struggle, I had to really stick to it, and give the finger to society.
I basically got to the point of not caring what people thought of me. I just had to hold my head high, and keep on trecking. Now, only half of the people in my life know of this life I live. Personally I dont feel its anyone’s business to begin with what I do with my partner. Secondly most are afraid of it, because they dont undersand it at all. So instead of researching, they just judge.
I do wish though that I had this sense to cast off society a long time ago. Perhaps if I had, I would have been happier? I wouldnt stare at magazines as a teen and cry my eyes out because I dont look like the perfection that society says it is. Its sad that its been over 10 years for society to stop body shaming, or at least attempt to stop body shaming people. For people to accept that skeleton is NOT sexy. If I had that sense sooner I wouldnt have ben so affected by the verbal abuse by my father, when he said I wasnt beautiful, so I should get a college degree???
I have confidence now, not as much as I would like, its a work in progress, each day is hard, but you have to push through it. Maybe one day I will get the courage to go to a munch? Maybe meet some people in my area, that have similar interests. This is my goal at least. To do that, and try new fetishes. I mean, I have anxiety issues, but its liberating.
I have never been comfortable with myself, with my body, but last summer, I opted to try something. I went to a nude beach. Now, my plan was to simply go topless. I went and bout some cute pink bikini bottoms, but as I got there, and granted I wasnt alone, I was with my sister, and instead of going topless. We went fully nude, an ran to the ocean, and I must say. As cold as the atlantic ocean was, It was Liberating. Now I hate clothes, but I look forward to summer time. So I can go back. Anyone up for a group nude beach BBQ?