There are many things in BDSM that I have yet to do. Though there are some things I refuse to even try. Like Needle play. Don’t get me wrong, I find a lot of the photographs beautiful. The artwork they create on peoples flesh is amazing, but at the same time, I do NOT like needles, nor do I have a desire to pierce my flesh for no reason. I dont judge anyone thats into it, but I am not going to volunteer to do it.
Not liking a fetish isnt a bad thing. Its all a choice and some people like different things. It doesnt make it wrong, or right. Most people that are not into BDSM are confused about it. First they want to trash it, thinking they know what its about, and most assume its whips, chains, and abuse. Most of this comes from articles like the man on Alt.com that was seeking submissive women, in order to murder them. Yet they fail to realize there are disgusting people no matter where you are.
What I ask these people is this. Do you like rough sex? Do you dirty talk? Do you like to be spanked? Do you enjoy bondage, blindfolds, and stuff like this?? Well guess what, thats part of BDSM as well. In my opinion every relationship, even vanilla ones have kinky moments, and as such whether they want to admit it or not, is still part of BDSM. You just need to remember, Yes means Yes, everything else is just rape/assualt/abuse.
So when it comes to entering a new relationship in this lifestyle, its hard to find the right one. Its hard enough in the vanilla world, so imagine the BDSM world. So the first thing I look for is honesty. Then sense of humor and intelligence. In order for me to connect to someone, I have to be truly attracted and care for them. So building up a relationship based more on a vanilla side is the easiest way to start for me. This also allows me to start building a trusting relationship. Which is very hard for me to do.
After all the years of being in this lifestyle and searching for the right partner I have learned a lot about myself. Like that fact I am pansexual, but the fact that I am also a demisexual sapiosexual person. It doesnt matter the gender of a person for me to be with them, it matters on the emotional level I have for them, and if they are extremely intelligent. I find intelligene one of the sexiest things in the world. It took me forever to realize this about myself, but now that I have, it helps me a little bit more on this trail.
Also learning things about myself, also helps me with my fetishes and kinks. Like I really want to try wax play, or electrical play. I am not HUGELY into pain, but I am eager to try them. I have seen videos, read reviews of people who have done this, and it seems erotic and fun. So maybe one day?