Your BDSM Dreams

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I dont think living the lifestyle is my dream, although I have many dreams of living in this lifestyle. My dream was always to work at the BHU at the FBI or some sort of Forensic psychologist, or a famous photographer. School by the way is expensive, and even more so when you are sick. Anyways I think it would depend on the dream you have to decide how far you would go to live it? For example, I am not going to put my kid up for adoption in order for me to be submissive 24-7. I am also not going to go into hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to live my dream when I have a beautiful daughter that needs me to save for college for her, or for if she ever decides to marry. However I must be honest. Putting food on the table, a roof over my head and that of my families, and being able to pay rent and keep the lights on in this economy is in fact a dream come true!!!

Even if you have reached your dreams already life has rules. Laws and such, and of course you have to obey laws…Dont kill people, etc etc etc. What about rules/laws from your partner? I am submissive, but I am an asshole. I dont apologize for it, everyone that knows me in real life knows who I am, and most the time they just think I am being funny. Jokes on you! Anways there is a rule I break ALL the time….DONT touch the nipples!! Of course its not MY nipples, even though I dont really get turned on to nipple play on myself. HE goes..ALL the time..I told you to LEAVE my nipples alone…then its *spank spank spank*.

I refuse to apologize for that rule being broken. 1: I dont know why, but I HAVE to touch them! 2. Denying me this, makes me want it more. 3. Why apologize, I am just going to do it again eventually. I mean really, I am like a cat when it comes to mens nipples. Its like they dangle it on a string, and I go…OMG…I need to play!! You dont hear me whine and complain when you play with my nipples, and twist, and bite, and use clamps….WHICH all of it I dont like, but its not a limit cuz I dont like it, but I dont hate it…its a whatever play thing for me. I really want to say Grow a Pair!

(tsk tsk a sub should never tell a Dom to grow a pair…thats a death wish)

I will take….Things NOT to say to your Dominant for 500 Alex!

Breaking a rule does not make me a bad submissive. It doenst make me a terrible submissive knowing I am going to break it again. Its like premediated. LOL. Again I dont apologize for that rule break mainly because I cant help it. Its an impulse urge and it happens, and then I get reprimanded and the night goes on. NOW..I NEVER do this in front of others. I dont know why, but when we are alone, its go time when I am in certain moods, and I just want to go into non sub mode and just play! Lets tickle, and wrestle, and poke, and pinch, and kiss, and just enjoy that for a awhile!

I dont generally beg either. Not because I cant, it is just I really am not good at verbally begging. I can type it all day any day, but I do not like being humiliated. That is something I cant stand, so I do my best to keep that part out of my BDSM. It happens sometimes, and what not, but I think if I were to beg, I would have to be forced or trained to beg better. Once in a blue moon I beg to cum, or what not, and I feel slutty. I know thats not a bad thing but omg…not a fan of being humiliated at all.

The conundrum with the humiliation is I have the sadist gene. It is mainly towards other females, I dont mind humiliating them, I dont mind be dominant towards them, but the problem with me stepping into the kid of role is it takes weeks, and sometimes months to get back into sub-mindset. I have tried the Dominant role, and it was fun for awhile, but it wasnt in my heart to be such a type of person. MAINLY because I handle all the decisions on a day to day basis. So late at night the last thing I want is the control in my relationship.

I do not know how some people do it. I have one child and I scream in my mind that I need a live in nanny. So I have to give mad props to ALL those mothers out there, that can live their dreams, raise kids on their own. Like my mom, raising four kids alone. My dad was never really around unless it benefited him. I dont know how you all can do multiple children, when one child can be rough!

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