So we all know how badly I want to go to a Munch! We also know I have been in the lifestyle for years, but OH MY GAWD!! I have NEVER been to a munch!!! Reason for that is I am shy, and well. I never knew where to begin when it came to munches. What to wear, how to act, etc etc etc. So you can understand my amazement when this came across my screen on Fetlife! Do Enjoy, and I hope you learn something!
A Beginners Guide to Munches
A few people have asked me to post this as a writing:
Your first few munches can be a scary experience. With so many new concepts and people to deal with, we know taking your first steps onto the scene can be a daunting prospect so let me walk you through it 🙂
A Deep Breath
Everybody remembers their first munch and how terrifying it can feel, just like the first day of a new school/job. But don’t worry, if you tell people you are new, the majority of people will be very friendly and accommodating
Find a Munch and Contact the Admin
Munches have Admin to ensure the smooth running of munches. They are listed on the right hand side of the munch group page. If you message a couple of admin on here and explain that you have not been to this munch/any munch, they can keep an eye out for you when you turn up and some admin may even meet you before the munch starts to welcome you on a one-on-one basis
To Latex, or not to Latex?
Don’t wear latex/leather catsuits/fetish wear to a munch! They are usually held in family pubs and a lot of members are not prepared to be ‘outed’ to their work colleague they happen to bump into. Keep your clothing strictly ‘vanilla’ – if you wouldn’t wear it to have lunch with your mum, don’t wear it here!
Leave Your Toys at Home!
Please do not turn up to munches with handcuffs/rope/nipple clamps etc with the intention of whipping them out to show people. You might get the munch organisers in trouble with the venue!
Introduce Yourself to the Mascot (and everyone else!)
When you arrive, find the mascot. Every munch has a mascot so you can identify the group. It can be quite hard to tell if people are approaching a munch group to meet us specifically as often we are approached by bar staff, people looking for the bathroom etc etc. Ask ‘is this the munch?: and an attendee will confirm. You can ask to speak to the admin if you’re not certain who is who.
What Do I Talk About?!
Anything! The venue, the food, last night’s Dr Who, climbing, martial arts, movies, politics (keep it friendly!) the weather, your elderly grandmother’s cat… With any diverse group of people, you will be surprised how much you will have in common with us 🙂
You’re Not Going to Get Laid
Munches are not pick up joints. Please do not attend with the intention of going home with someone. Please do not rent a hotel room that night and expect to bring someone back with you. Munches are a place to meet like minded people and learn with your peers, not an easy way to ‘score’
Which follows nicely into…
If you wouldn’t say something to a random stranger on the street, don’t say it to someone you just met at the munch!
You Don’t Have to Touch People
Munches can sometimes be a mecca of hugging, kittenesque hair petting and lap-sitting. The Scene can be a handsy place due to it’s quite physical nature but DO NOT touch people without their permission! You are more than within your rights to refuse a handshake, a hug, or to tell someone who might subconsciously touch your arm whilst chatting to you that it’s not OK, even if you have done those things with them before. Just politely say ‘Please don’t touch me’
Tell the Admin if Someone is Making You Uncomfortable!
They’re there to accommodate your experience and if someone needs reminding of munch etiquette, they’ll be more than happy to sort it out. Very occasionally there might be a drunken creep who’s sole intention is to try and get laid and we have no qualms about removing them! (I’ve only ever kicked one person out from a munch)
Assuming Makes an Ass Out of U
Try not to assume things and keep an open mind. A lot of members may not tell you their birth name, use the one they gave you. If someone asks you to call them he/she/they when referring to them, please respect this. Do not make assumptions about an attendee’s relationship status, gender, sexuality, or role in the scene by their clothing, who they talk to or whom they sit with. If someone introduces you to someone as their ‘Master’, they are not your Master, you do not have to defer to them! Likewise, you should not treat the Submissive/Slave as such – they are not yours!
If you don’t understand a term someone is using, or are unfamiliar with a concept they are describing, please feel free to ask respectfully for an explanation. Most people are willing to explain terminology or to offer their knowledge on a topic. If they are not willing to discuss something, write it down and Google it later!
Munches are supposed to be fun and friendly experiences, although they can be overwhelming the first few times. Taking time out from the munch area if it gets too much is completely fine – a lot of regular much attendees need to take a step outside sometimes. Take the chance to listen, learn, chat to lots of lovely, new people and make some firm friends!