So today I went to a discussion with my Master. It was about when you get asked why. For example when someone asks: Why do you enjoy a D/s relationship? Which for most isnt annoying to be asked. The discussion was very informative, and showed many different opinions.
Some feel stronger when they know the answers to the Whys, but it was also shown that the Whys could keep going and going and then you would get frustrated. Why do you prefer D/s? Why do you give into control? Why do you allow a man to Master you? etc etc etc.
So at the end of the discussion the Sir leading it asked us submissives to think on a Why question from him.
Why do I enjoy being spanked?
Funny thing when I think about this question I hear my mind screaming, “I dont like being spanked!” So part of that is true, and part of that is not true.
Having my ass smacked during sexual play is erotic, and kinky. It spices things up. I dont mind it once in a while, or what not, but it has to be in certain parts of my body. I am not into pain very much. If you have read my earlier entries you know why.
Though I do find myself with the yearning to experience OTK spanking, and yes I do take my spankings for punishment should that be warranted. It should be addressed that during these times I will struggle and fight, because in reality. I am not a huge submissive masochist desiring to be in pain.
I am actually rather sensitive to pain. What might tickle to most, really sends my body into trembling fits, and I cry like a little sissy girl.
So I do not openly go seeing for pain. Most of my BDSM lifestyle revolves around D/s. I am more into the giving up control, and following protocol and serving my Master.
I dont judge others. If spankings make them orgasm harder, by all mean, do it. What is right for someone else may not be right for me, and vice versa. I know I dont like being spanked with a belt. It causes to much pain for me, but if I have been truly naughty, I submit to my punishments as I should.
Maybe my fetishes of OTK spankings, and flogging and stuff like that will open my eyes more to the joy of spankings? For now a smack or two, or three or four on my ass while I am being taken from behind is just fine with me.
Now, back to the discussion. The why’s dont have to be about spanking. It can be anything. He wanted us to truly dive deep into ourselves and really answer the question. He didnt even care if we shared the answers with him. He wanted us to answer it, and then think even more.
Are you satisfied with your answer?
Well yes, I think at this current point in time it is the right answer for me. Though just like the universe we are forever changing. Perhaps right now I am not into spankings all that much. At least painful spankings. Maybe one day I will be? Maybe I wont? I am not upset about it. This is just who I am. In fact I have to admit, any one that come to me with a Why question. It doesnt usually irritate me.
I love educating people, into the lifestyle, and I in fact told the Sir leading the discussion this. He did come back with a good point.
Answering the Why questions isnt bad. Its just who you answer them too. Just because you go to a Munch and someone there whom doenst know you starts to ask, doesnt mean you should answer their question.
Not everyone is trust worthy, and only those whom you know wont hurt you with your answers, should be told, if you feel like it. There is nothing wrong keeping this life to yourself. It doesnt make you ashamed of it. It doesnt make you less of a person. It just makes your intimacy, something special, to share between you and those involved only.
Which I think is a great idea. I wouldnt just walk up to some random stranger and ask him what he had for lunch that day, or how his finances are. What his love life is like. So now I do not feel guilty about being shy, or not letting everyone peer into the window of my soul and my heart. Those are only for the truly special people in my life.
I also wanted to share. My new Master is amazing. This was our first discussion together, and it makes it shock my home feeling. Being surrounded by people who do not judge us, but yet understand us is wonderful. Being able to keel at his feet, and people understanding the meaning. It sends my soul flying higher. It made it feel that much more real and less like a dream.
I am and always will be forever thankful to him for taking me on as his Submissive. I am truly excited to begin this journey, and to know he accepts me for who I am, regardless of my health, makes me happy.
I wont have to do radiation treatments alone. I wont have to worry anymore if I am alone! I wont have to be alone again, and I am forever thankful!