Another great thing I found inspirational. Taken again from Fet life, and I just wanted to share!
Through my few years as a fetlifer, kinkster and submissive, I have heard so many opinions of what my role as a submissive is supposed to be. I have been told that I am responsible for this, that and the other. But what about what submissives are not responsible for? Well, I thought I’d make a short list, in my own opinion, of what submissive women are not responsible for.
DISCLAIMER ::: These views are purely my opinion. This is not what everyone else should practice, unless of course it fits you as well.
1. It is not my responsibility to take on 100% of the effort. I understand that, as a submissive, my job is to please my Dominant counterpart. I have a set of duties to uphold. I have responsibilities. I have much effort to put in if I am to be a good submissive. BUT, if the Dominant does not return with any effort, then it is not a healthy relationship. A person can only give so much.
2. It is not my responsibility to give myself after-care. When a submissive is in a scene, it can become very emotional. Subspace may be reached. Limits may be crossed. Punishments can go too far. The submissive, after being taken to these feelings, may need after care. This is the responsibility of the dominant. If you are going to impose anger, you must reinforce that the submissive is still in the hands of someone that cares for them.
3. It is not my responsibility to read your mind. If a Dominant does not vocalize their needs, wants or wishes atleast once, there is no possible way for the submissive to know.
4. It is not my responsibility to allow you to abuse me. Each person that is in the lifestyle, regardless of their role, is a human being. Each person has limits no matter how extreme. Each person has a right to say “I’m not okay.” And when those things are taken away, when someone feels that they are being really hurt, they have the right to walk away from it. If that right is taken from them, then it is no longer consensual. Abuse, when non consensual, is never okay. Damage with serious repercussions, is never okay. It is the responsibility of the dominant to ensure that the submissive is not being abused, though it is the responsibility of the submissive to vocalize when this line is being crossed.
5. It is not my responsibility to change myself completely for you. Don’t get me wrong. Some changes can be for the better. Higher self esteem, weight loss (when mutually agreed upon), getting an education, learning a talent, etc are all good, healthy changes that can be influenced by a Dominant. But when you are forced to become a completely different person, then it is clear that you were never actually wanted for who you are. It is not the responsibility of the submissive to become a complete new person for someone who does not value who they already are. It is the responsibility of the dominant to build on the beautiful and wonderful traits that are within the submissive already. The idea, with personal growth and change, is to become a better version of who you already are.
Being a submissive is a wonderful and fulfilling lifestyle for me, and also to those who fit well into that role. A submissive is someone to cherish. Someone to work for, someone to love, someone to lead, and someone to keep.