I met an attractive man. There was great chemistry and flirting. It was great fun and then we went back to his place. He was attractive and a good kisser. Finally, I said, “Do you have condoms”. He said, “No.”: I said, “No problem, I should have some in my purse.” He said, “I don’t like them.:” I should have left at that moment, but I said, “Well then there will be no sex.” I would have been happy with a good make-out session. We fooled around a bit, but the goal was clear. He was trying to turn me on so that I would agree to condomless sex with a man that I barely knew. At the moment, I had to grab his cock hard in order to prevent that from happening, I knew it was passed time to leave. I said, “I am leaving.” I was crying, hyperventilating and putting on my clothes. He seemed stunned. “Is this because I won’t use a condom?” I went off on how DC has a higher rate of HIV infection than sub Saharan Africa and yes, it was because of that.
What upset me was not his desire for condomless sex. He has every right to want what he wants. However, I made it clear, that I I was not for it. I told him “It would make me feel unsafe.” That should be enough to honor my wishes or turn down sex. However, about 50% of men try to get some kind of sex in the first sex act that I take off the table. My requirement is to use condoms unless I am in a long-term monogamous relationship seems to be one (that for unknown reasons) I have a regular fight about.
It really doesn’t matter, when the woman says, this is off the table, then you don’t try to put it on the table during “sexy time”. If I have to play defense, then sexy time is no longer sexy time. It is, so how the fuck do I get out of here without getting raped time. Really, if you are badgering and asking over and over again during foreplay for something that has been taken off the table that is attempted rape. You are attempting to get sex from a woman that she doesn’t want to give you. You might think that it isn’t rape, but it makes the whole sexy time no longer sexy. It creates fear. It makes me think, well this is sucking and I need to leave. Will he restrain me? Will this become attempted rape by coercion to attempted rape by force? Is he stronger then me? If he tried would he be successful?
Men, you are usually physically stronger than women. While some of society has fed men bullshit that no doesn’t mean no, well it does. If a woman says wear a condom or don’t suck my toes or whatever, you don’t do it. If you want to negotiation something like that back in, do it with the lights on and your clothes on. It feels much less rapey that way.
If I feel like I have to play “defense” with a guy. I am never open to a rematch.