Found this on Fetlife…and I LOVED IT…..
This should be common sense but sadly it isn’t. If you lie, you can’t be dominant. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of “Dominants” lie but that in fact means they are not actually dominant.
Its pretty simple, actually and here is why:
Being dominant in the kink sense of the world means you are the one in charge, right? Well, lying isn’t about being in charge, it is about being too afraid, too insecure, to ask for what you really want.
For example, I have dated two ex partners of a guy who I called Sir_Cheats_Alot partly because he is in SCA but mainly because he couldn’t tell the truth at gunpoint! Both were tall, statuesque women, one the kinkiest and the other the most beautiful of women. He couldn’t tell them about each other, he could have had both of them at the same time if he just said “look, both of you want me like no other man, the deal is, you are BOTH going to be mine” and they would have said “Yes Sir”…but NO…he just did not have the confidence, the actual real dominance to step up and BE dominant.
People who cheat fall into this category. If you need to be “discreet” which is code for “I am stepping out on my partner” then you are not in fact dominating either one of them. Being dominant is about mastering yourself and creating the life you desire. If you have to cheat, you clearly have not done this and until you do, you are not capable of dominating someone else.
I could list story after story like this but so could almost anyone reading this. The point is, WHY lie? It gets you nothing really. First off, you have to lie to yourself that whatever you are doing is okay, that you have some rational for it. It means you have to find a partner that can’t see what you are doing and you haven’t in fact found the one who will say “yes” to whatever it is you want so you haven’t actually “got” it, whatever it is.
This should be easy to understand but clearly…it isn’t.