The BDSM life is full of wants, needs, and desires. But what happens if it becomes too much? What happens when the “vanilla” life is left by the roadside and extreme BDSM is the only thing you think about? Everyone has needs, but unlike the “vanilla” world, our needs are fueled by emotional and mental needs. A lot of the “vanilla” world focuses on what they can touch or see. There’s nothing wrong with fantasies. It’s what fuels our desires and needs. But you need to be careful, on both the Dominant and the submissive side, that you don’t become overwhelmed and dwell only into the extreme BDSM needs.
Those needs might start small. Lets take a submissive getting spanked. A spanking now and then turns you on. Soon it isn’t enough. You need a spanking every time. Soon it becomes so hard that you’re bruising. Next, it’s your spanked so hard you’re bleeding. At what point does it become detrimental or negative for your well being! At what point does it become dangerous? It’s easy to get lost into the lifestyle once you start. This life is so much more than the physical needs, but once you start, it’s a path you have to adapt and accommodate.
A Dominant might have the needs to control, but soon the Dominant becomes so in love with the feeling of this control, that this Dominant might steer a bit more Domineering, or pushing more limits to feel more of that control.. A submissive might need certain things to achieve orgasm, but then has to get more extreme to reach this orgasm. There’s many ways this can happen, but it all ends the same. You need more and more stimulation to get where you want it to be. Some ways might be healthy, others, not so much so.
Look online at all the girls who have, “no limits.” They might be just naive, or they could be needing much much more stimulation in the BDSM lifestyle. You need to pace yourself in the life to learn and enjoy what you have. BDSM is about the journey, not the destination. This is why you’re always learning and adapting. For example; what happens if you travel cross country and don’t stop anywhere? Don’t see the sights, smell the roses, or enjoy the trip. Soon your trip is done, and you’re wishing you could have seen and done more. Each state you go through should be enjoyed and remembered. But all you remember is the road. The time it took. How quickly it was over.
BDSM can be the same way. If you don’t take the time to enjoy each step, you start jumping steps and realize you can’t go back. You start worrying or fearing what will happen because you know a change is occurring. You feel your trip is almost over even as you’re beginning your journey.
D/s can and is very much like this as well. Granted with D/s you don’t have to focus purely on the sexual side, or really dive into fetishes. In fact you can have a D/s relationship without even reaching nudity with each other. The question really for me is, “When is Enough…Enough?”
For instance, you have a submissive, you enjoy controlling what she eats, how she dresses, having her serve you by cleaning your house, or bathing you, or any way you can think of! Your submissive and you agree that pushing some of her soft limits are alright, and you find this enjoyable. Maybe one soft limit for her/him is deciding what she wears. . This was never a need for you, but you figure maybe once in a while, make her beg to even wear clothes around the house.
Then the feeling of being in control of her in this way has your fantasies ignited. You get aroused at the thought of this. You dream about having her wear certain clothes in public, or maybe having her strip in an alley or wear no panties under a really short skirt so you can be naughty in a movie theater.
Suddenly these fantasies become so powerful that it no longer is just something you think of as fun, or just for play. This twists more that you have to decide what she wears, every second, of every day. No matter where you are! Then after that starts to take place it turns into a need. You Need to control this part of her life in order to be pleased, feel powerful, or in control. You Need this to happen in order to be completely happy.
My point is the process in which something so simple turns quickly into a Need. People who go from light bondage during sexual scenes, to extreme bondage being restrained for multiple days. Being controlled at home a certain way, to it suddenly happening in front of your vanilla friends!
What happens then? What happens when that playful fantasy, that teasing soft limit turns into a need. What if the other person no longer can fulfill these simple tasks that have turned into your need?