Nice Dominants

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I was recently sharing a conversation with a Dominant. He of course knows people from all walks of second life, and he had a story to share. What he told me was shocking, and a shame.

I know each person is interested into their own kinks, role-play and relationships, but just because a sim says, “This is what you have to do to be known as a submissive” does NOT mean you should do it.

He met a girl that was new to the lifestyle. As we all were once, we were naive, and didn’t know where to obtain information. If you are like me, it took years to find a niche and what was right for you.

Anyhow, they got to talking and she is role-playing at the Story of O sim. Good book, and movie. It is a classic and one I love, but the role-play sim is someone’s perspective of this story.

He tried to persuade her to join Bittersweet’s D/s Academy, and when she said no thank you. He was shocked. She said she was going to stay at this sim, because once she graduates she will be a submissive.

Their definition of graduate, at least for this young lady, was for her to take place in a role-play of a gang bang sexual experience. Don’t get me wrong, we all have our fantasies, and I am not one to judge! I have my kinky fantasies and fetishes as well.

This just upset him more, because being used sexually does not make you submissive. It doesn’t even begin to remotely dive into the mental training and mind set you need to begin to have in order to continue on your path.

Of course there is no wrong or right way in the lifestyle. Each person’s path is their own, and for them to decide what is correct for them. What really struck me was that this girl told him, that he can not be a Dominant because he was too kind to her, and that all Dominant are assholes!

Sure I have met my fair share of Domineering men posing as Dominants. Most just lack the proper training, or knowledge and so they just assume a Dominant is a jerk. I suppose it doesn’t help when some submissives have bad days and rant about how terrible their Dom is treating them.

Or dare I say it, books like Fifty Shades of Grey! To some it was intense and erotic, to others it angered them as they feel it didn’t portray our lifestyle as it should be.

Who says Dominants are not kind? I know my Dominant watches out for my health, my well being, and he wants me happy as well. It is after all a relationship! If I was just a doormat, eventually I would fade away, and this relationship wouldn’t work.

I remember back in my Gorean days, where I role-played a gorean slave. I refused to call them Master outside of Role play. There were even times when they broke my limits and I had to put my foot down, and suddenly when that happens, I am being told I am not submissive, I will never be.

Truth is, they just didn’t like me know having a mind, having limits, and knowing what it was I sought to find in a Dominant partner.

Has anyone here ever had any interaction regarding someone saying they were not Dominant or submissive just because they behaved a certain way?

This was something that I stressed about. This affected the Dominant I was speaking too as well. We have to reach out to people that are new in the lifestyle. Help guide them down the right path as much as possible, but we need to understand that we cant save everyone.

Just as my mother used to say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make them drink!” So too can you try and try and try to educate, help, or guide someone that is new to the lifestyle. They will believe what they want, and if they don’t want help, there will be no way you can help them. They will have to learn things on their own, whether it involves good or bad experiences.

All we can do is be here, welcoming them with open arms, once their eyes open fully.

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9 thoughts on “Nice Dominants

  1. Reblogged this on Draco's Journal and commented:
    This struck a chord with me, FYI, Nadira and I are friends and the story of the girl came from me…. I will add my personal thoughts on ‘Nice Dominants’ in a few days

  2. My (real life) submissive once was addressed in a chat room by a self proclaimed dominant, who then, as she refused to give him any submission at all (she is not his submissive, but mine) also tried to tell her that she was no “true” submissive. Some “dominants”, especially online, seem to live in a sex story and except any submissive to act out their personal wanking fantasy.

    Honestly, I think, we can safely conclude that any person who wants to tell someone that he/she isn’t a true submissive because he/she doesn’t behave the way this person wants, isn’t a good dominant and, I suspect, someone with quite an ego problem. There is no single true way to being a submissive. You either are or you are not, nobody can tell you that, but you have to find out for yourself.

    Being a good dominant, imho, requires much thought, learning, etc. But the important part is, that in any relationship, both partners have to be good for each other and not for anyone else.

    I hope, the submissive from the sim found happiness and didn’t have to learn to many harsh lectures (the bad kind, not the kinky kind) before that.

    • I have no idea what she learned. I truly believe that as long as you are happy, and your partner is happy no one can tell you different.

      The girl in this entry I dont personally know, but I know being a submissive is more than just kinky sex. I hope she learns that before its too late.

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