I havent really had the time nor the energy to write anything. Oddly enough I have just been feeling down. I suppose all the stresses that have happened regarding a few people whom I considered friends set me off. I used to think that there was good in people, in all people. I dont believe that anymore.
I used to never give people second chances in my life. I used to say well you done fucked up, thats that. Then I was informed that way of life was considered heartless, and bitchy. Ive always done that my entire life. I saw how certain people were treated in my life, and so I had this wall, so tightly made that I wouldnt let anyone close to hurt me.
So then I changed. I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to try my hardest to let someone in, to truly be a friend to someone. To love someone without receiving love back. So this made me foolish, naive, and too nice or caring. Where the hell is the medium????
So I cant do this anymore. I cant give someone a piece of me, just to find out they dont trust me. I cant continue letting people whom display no love for anyone else, no compassion for the human race, and truly just take advantage in my life anymore. I really..truly..deeply cannot be with someone who does NOT trust me!!!
So does that make me a cold, heartless bitchy person? Maybe, but you know something. I wont be hurt again, and I know there is someone out there, who will have my back 100 percent of the time, who will truly love me, always be there for me, and will defend me against the world!!!
He is out there, I just have to be patient!