How we end up alone

“It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt.”
— Tom Gates

This is how I currently feel. I really feel more betrayed than anything else. I have given so much to someone as a friend, and I feel they just took it all for granted and didnt have any concerns what so ever for my feelings. This isnt the first time this has happened with this person, but I try to keep communication flowing and do my best to forgive for transgressions that aren’t life threatening to myself, or anyone else.

Though I really feel hurt from all this. I asked a friend to help me, and they said they had no idea how to help. I presented them with some ideas, and instead of helping me, they turn around and get hired at some place, where they would be doing the SAME exact thing I was asking them to do for me! Am I happy they are happy with a job..sure I am, I am as supportive as I can be when my personal emotions are out of the way.

I feel betrayed though. Why couldnt they just help me out? I helped them out, when they needed it. I think my other friend is right. I am far to nice to people that have hurt me. I always see the good in people, even the ones who physicially abused me. I just dont know what to think anymore. I am angry, because I feel foolish for once again helping someone, when I cant even help myself, but mostly I am deeply hurt.

Of course I try to explain it to them, and they want to play the blame game, or just make me feel like its all my fault. So I dont know what to do anymore. Do I just distance myself again? I really feel like I need to stop counting on people and only rely on myself. The Epiphany of being alone, is my life. I really feel I have no one in this world to truly count on to be there for me. Sure my friends say they are, but come on. When this keeps happening to me, then really I just dont know.

I think it is funny, there really are only two people maybe three I have met online that has never abandoned me as a friend, or weren’t ever there when I needed someone. I think I need a new crowd of friends!


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