Here’s to the Past

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It sucks when you have to be true to yourself, but it always ends up hurting someone and so you feel guilty for wanting to be happy.

Today I really brought my past few weeks of thinking to a head and nailed it down to a board. My Dominant’s needs and my own just dont match up. It was evident we were never going to move to be together in real life, and in the end he wants to get married some day, and I dont.

It is just not something I can offer to anyone. I think this is the biggest step I have taken since I came to Bittersweet. I would love to spend all day pretending that I could be what he needed, and that all my own needs were not compromised.

Do I love him? yes, very much. He has been the one that has been there for the past 8 years when everyone I cared for, loved, and trusted walked out of my life. I am not perfect I know I caused some of it, but having someone that is that solid foundation in your life is nice.

I could never tear him away from his son, or his family. Just as I cannot do the same to my child or family. I think it is best to remain truly close and deep friends, but step back and let him find what he really can to make him happy. His wife is out there, and I know she is the luckiest woman in the world.

Thank You Sir for the most amazing 8 years. You have watched me grow in and out of Gor. You have been my shoulder to cry on, my splash of water when I need to clean my eyes, and my reasoning when I doubted myself.

I can never repay you for all that you have done for me, but know that you have a large part in my heart, and will forever be a dear dear friend to me. No one will ever take that from you!

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