I read my friends blog and it made me start to think. She is going through a rough patch with her Sir. He isn’t paying attention to her at all. Won’t do any D/s stuff with her, or is intimate. Now I know no one is perfect, and nothing happens overnight. I cannot tell what the future holds for me either. What I can say is I am going through something similar.
My Sir is new to the D/s lifestyle but we have been together for a very long time. Nearly 10 years now. We started out amazing, and our relationship sort of fell to the point where I was going to get up and walk out on our relationship completely. I know my actions have played a lot into our problems but I have owned up to them and I am working on them really hard.
My Sir is doing small things, taking baby steps on this path. I am a million times farther down this path than he, and it really makes me frustrated. I want him to be with me, on the same track. I know I must have patience. My biggest issue is that he now gets frustrated with things I do, that he used to love. Like him and me and used to have tickle wars, where we tickled each other, which then turned out into an intense make out session and so on and so forth.
Over the years our intimacy has dwindled down from 8 sexual encounters a day to 2 times a week, and now it’s non-existent. I have begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, to get this desire across to him. We communicate and I am told things are going to change, but it’s been nearly 4 years now that I have gone without his touch except for every once in a blue moon.
I am very proud of the progress he has made in our D/s lifestyle. I know it isn’t easy setting up rules, learning how to be a Dominant, while at the same time doing his best to BE my Dominant at the same time. I know I am a challenge because I myself am still learning, but there comes a time where enough is enough.
I am a very sexual woman. It is not a want for me to have sex, to be needed for sex, or to please someone sexually. This is a hard NEED. Without it I feel empty. I suppose I have a disorder of sexual need. I have no idea! I just know I cannot live without sex; this is causing a huge wedge to be placed between us. I have discussed this with him, and every time we do it’s like my voice is lost in the wind.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my Sir very much. I want this to work, with every fiber of my body, but I need things fulfilled. I feel neglected, lonely, and unwanted or not desired. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am crying as I write this. I am proud of the progress our D/s relationship is making, but I don’t know if it will be enough!