My Real Life Expectations

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So, my husband is now my Dominant! Interesting idea considering we started our relationship in the vanilla world not even knowing what BDSM really was, or even D/s for that matter. If someone would have told me that I would someday be collared by my husband and serving him in a TPE relationship, I would have laughed at them. I come from a strange family history. My father being an Irish traveler raised us to be subservient to our men without even knowing it. My mother however comes from a very long line of Noble Germans. (Yes, even Nazi blood runs through my veins, but that’s in the past!) She raised us to be independent, strong, and well NOT subservient to our men. So you can kind of understand what is going on here. I have been struggling with how to act, what to do etc. It wasn’t until I found the lifestyle that I truly felt at peace.

I entered this lifestyle by myself. My husband of course knew what I was doing, researching, role-playing online etc. We haven’t had the best of relations either. We were on the brink of divorce. He started to research the lifestyle too, and we both had separate lives, since we decided to separate from each other. He has of course always been that one person in my life I can depend on. This is good, because I have a TON of trust issues. I suppose if I really think on it, I trust him, but I am quick to say I don’t. He is the ONLY person in my life I can rely on, count on, and does his best to see to my welfare. If that isn’t trust, then I don’t know what is. He makes me laugh, and protects me. He pushes me to follow dreams, (if I have any) and he supports my beliefs.

So I feel that maybe if I dedicate more time to him, and do my best to truly give into him it might work out. I know it is still a two way street, and I refuse to settle. He has to dedicate his time into being a good Dominant to me as much as I have to dedicate being a good submissive. I guess what I truly hope to get from this is that relationship in D/s. I expect to be long lasting, and truly fulfilling. Not just for me as a submissive but for him as well. I am hoping it will strengthen our relationship as a couple, and of course reignite that passion between us.

I can honestly say I am terrified at the same time. If this doesn’t work, what will this do to our friendship? We have a child together, and though we never use her as a pawn against each other, I don’t want to risk our relationship becoming foul. I love my husband more than anything, whether he is my Dominant or not. So entering this lifestyle with him is terrifying. I just hope it only goes towards the better instead of the worse. I am optimistic though, and I will strive to be completely open with him, communicate my needs as best as I can, and truly give into his whim and desires.

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