Please do not steal this work, and claim it as your own. If you want to share it, please keep the bottom in tact, as he has written this himself, and he deserves full credit. Thank you Eric.
“In sickness and in health”. These are the words that a couple say to each other at a marriage ceremony. It can also pertain to the comments or feelings that transpire between a Dominant and a submissive at a collaring ceremony. In today’s lecture W/we are going to explore some of the ramifications of uttering and swearing to such an encompassing statement.
“In sickness and in health”. Well its pretty easy to accept the “health” part isn’t it? If everything turns out healthy then really there isn’t a problem at all is there? But what of the opposite? What if the Dominant or the submissive becomes embroiled in “sickness”? How does either party deal with that eventuality?
Today let U/us look at both sides of the “sickness” dilemma. Lets look at what happens if the submissive becomes ill or incapasitated and also what can happen if the Dominant becomes ill or incapasitated. In both scenarios things can and do change drastically. How do the T/two cope with these changes?
Let U/us first explore what can happen if the submissive becomes sick and because of that sickness is unable to fully continue in the role that he or she had previously had no problem in performing.
Now, of course, a short term disability to being able to perform in the capacity that they previously performed is not really a problem. The Dominant should of course be able to guide and nuture and support Their submissive through a short term period without much difficulty or distress. The problem here that I wish to address is a long term disability, one where the submissive can not perform his or her duties for a long period or perhaps be unable to perform them ever again in the same way as they were able to before.
W/we all know what I am talking about. Cancer, heart attack, physical or emotional disability.How does the Dominant respond? How should the Dominant respond? How does the submissive respond? How should the submissive respond? Let U/us look at these four questions individually.
HOW DOES THE DOMINANT RESPOND:
Through My experience in this Life I have seen this situation arise and have seen several ways in which the Dominant has responded.
1. The Dominant can accept the situation, take care of His or Her submissive to the best of Their ability, and move foward knowing that Their submissive is incapable of performing certain duties and chores. The Dominant can alter or change the duties and requirements that They demand of Their submissive.
2. The Dominant may aquire a new submissive to take the place of the incapasitated submissive, while continuing to provide for the original submissive the care they need to the best of the Dominant’s ability to do so.
3. The Dominant just releases the submissive who is incapable of performing the required duties and moves foward.
4. The Dominant can respond by allowing the situation to dictate the outcome falling into a state of depression and inertia unable to cope with or to alieviate the situation.
HOW DOES THE SUBMISSIVE RESPOND:
1. The submissive can accept the situation, do as much as they can to fullfill their role to the best of their ability, offerring possible alterations or changes to allow themselves to perform their duties as best as they can.
2. The submissive can accept that perhaps since they are unable to perform their duties, the Dominant has a right to bring into the relationship a new submissive who can perform the duties that submissive can not perform.
3. The submissive can withdraw from the relationship, asking for and receiving his or her release from the Dominant.
4. The submissive can respond by allowing the disability to dictate the outcome and become depressed and incapable of moving foward in any direction.
HOW SHOULD THE DOMINANT/submissive RESPOND:
How the Dominant and the submissive respond is a very personal matter. It is My belief that first off, open communication between the Dominant and the submissive is of vital necesity. Only through truly open communication between the Dominant and the submissive can a plan of action be determined and a path that meets and responds to the needs of BOTH the Dominant AND the submissive be found and followed. In My mind at least the fourth response is the one that at all costs should be avoided. Allowing the situation to dictate and not the Dominant and the submissive will in most cases lead to a poor outcome. Through open communication and trust a solution can be found which might not be optimum but at least takes into consideration the needs of BOTH the Dominant and the submissive allowing for at least a greater chance of a positive outcome.
There was a period where I had surgery on My neck, became incapasitated , actually became addicted to the pain killers, and was close to death. My ella, in response to this situation had to , besides of course caring for Me to the best of her ability, assume a position of authority. During this period I was incapable of making sound decisions both for Myself and for her. My ella had to make ALL the decisions affecting both herself and Me. My ella had to assume the Dominant role to protect and guide U/us both through this period due to My inability to do so Myself.
It was a very trying period of O/our relationship. It was much more of a huge task for her because she was aware of what was going on and I was not. My ella alone, without My guidance or help had to handle ALL the problems which arose and guide U/us both through this period of distress and upheaval. Needless to say she got U/us both through it. I recovered and it was all due to her ability to do the things she was forced to do by the situation. My ella did remakedly well and I like to think that it was because of My previous teaching and guidance that she was strong enough to do the things she had to do.
Now, of course. it would be nice to say that was simply it. My submissive “rose to the occasion” and got U/us through a difficult time by assuming a Dominant role that was forced upon her and doing what needed to be done. But there were ramifications of her actions. There are ramifications of the submissive reversing their role, even for a short period of time. Let U/us explore the main ramification.
The major ramification was the difficulty of U/us both, after the crisis had passed, of reassumming O/our previous roles of Dominant and submissive. S/some may feel that this is an easy resumption of the roles O/our natures had assigned U/us but in reality it proved more difficult.
Once a submissive has had to assume the role of a Dominant, even for a short period of time, it requires a relearning of the original role, both for the Dominant and the submissive. I do believe that it is easier for the Dominant, though difficult at times cause the Dominant always can remember how easily His or Her Dominance was ripped from Themselves.
For the submissive however it can be much more difficult to resume the role of the submissive once they have been in the role of the Dominant. It requires a relearning of their true nature, a re-establishing of trust in the Dominant’s capabilities, both to guide and to teach. It requires the submissive to once again accept that the Dominant knows what is best and relinquish the control over things, especially if they did a great job of controlling things during the crisis.
It can be a long process and a process that requires a great deal of open communication and recommitment on the parts of both the Dominant AND the submissive. It can be almost like starting over. During this “re-aclimation” period the Dominant has to be extra patient as He or She goes through the process of in reality “re-educating” Their submissive.
In the case of a long term illness the role reversal becomes more entrenched and might be unable to allow the submissive the ability to ever truly revert back to the way he or she was before.
As I reach the conclution of this lecture I realize that it was quite a depressing subject. But I do feel that it was a subject that needed to be talked about. P/peopkle do get ill and illness/sickness does have a very nasty way of interferring with O/our lives. But I do believe that through open communication and maintaining a firm commitment the Dominant and the submissive can survive, learn and grow. I truly hope none of Y/you face this situation anytime soon but I hope Y/you and Y/yours will discuss between Y/yourselves the possibility and have a plan in place if the neccessity arises.
Written and discussed by Ericella Sixpence of Second Life