Forgiveness

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forgiveness:
act of forgiving; state of being forgiven.
disposition or willingness to forgive.

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow, and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air. Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt, and pain over this offense.

5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person’s explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful, or painful act is fully accepted. Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It is the opening up of yourself to that person to be vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is equally as high a human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.

7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full, functional, living reality.

8. Forgiving is the God like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure, and lighten the burden of guilt. Forgetting is the God like gift of spiritually touching others’ hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination, remonstrations, or reminding of past offenses.

9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment, or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship. Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity, and gentleness by which you let another know that she/he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier preventing goodness and worth to shine through. Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support, and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you, others, and the world whereby gifts, talents, and skills are freely appreciated and shared.

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It had been my 8th grade year in junior high. At the end of the school year my father took a new job and we moved 3 hours away. It was hard having a long distance relationship. Especially when I moved to a new school. I was naive and shallow in my younger years, and I was popular at my new school.

I would often go to visit my grandmother to see Cory and my friends. Then all of a sudden Cory just stopped calling me and writing me letters. I tried to contact him but his phone number was changed. I tried writing to my best friend but couldn’t get a hold of him. So several months passed and I heard nothing I just assumed they wanted nothing more to do with me. So I moved on slowly.

I made new friends, got a new boyfriend. Then for thanksgiving I went to visit my grandmother and thought I would go see them. No one was there. I didn’t understand why they would just up and leave and tell me nothing. Finally when I returned I got a phone call. I will never forget that phone call.

My mother handed me the phone and it was Cory’s grandmother. All I heard from her was, “its all your fault, you did this to him you little bitch!” I was confused I didn’t understand what was going on. So I handed the phone back to my mother. She talked to the woman and then my mother turned and told me Cory had died.

The next few days were a blur. I didn’t go to school, hardly ate anything. I was broken hearted. I for so long thought he wanted nothing to do with me. I had received that phone call 5 months after the day Cory and Erin stopped writing or calling me. His family blamed me for it, because I was friends with Erin.

Erin and Cory became good friends through me. The night Cory had died they had gone hunting. Foolish as kids were they were high off marijuana. It had been a hunting accident when Cory was shot. Somehow the gun malfunctioned, a 12 gauge shot gun, and had shot Cory in the back. Erin was immediately arrested and put into a group home for teenage boys.

He later went to court and was convicted of Involuntary Manslaughter. I didn’t get to see my friend hardly for three years. We wrote everyday, and talked as often as we could. That day changed him completely as it did me. His family to this day still blames me. Why I do not know but they do. I loved him, he was my first and I will always remember him.

You are wondering why this story is in place with forgiveness? Erin came to me one day and broke down. Crying he told me he was sorry, and that he wanted forgiveness from me. What he didn’t know was I never blamed him to begin with. I had forgiven him for anything he felt he needed the forgiveness for and tried to tell him to forgive himself.

So in trying to help my friend overcome his grief, and to pull him from the dark whole he felt he was in, I researched forgiveness. The ten steps mentioned above come from a website. Its like an AA program a 12 step program. I had joined this with him a long time ago so he could somehow overcome what he needed. I joined it with him to give him moral support.

We have a promise to each other to get tattoos. Matching ones that will have Cory’s name in it. When I get a scanner I will upload it and show you, since I drew it.

Forgiveness is not always the easy thing. You may have been hurt so bad by someone but if someone comes to you for forgiveness you should never deny it to them. Even if you truly don’t forgive them. They seek forgiveness for their conscience not your own. You should be the better person. No one is every saying forget what they did, but forgiving them, letting them know yes they hurt you but you still care and love them is what matters.

Many people hold grudges and anger and it eats them. It takes away the very core of what makes them a good person and leaves them a bitter empty shell of nothingness. I know, because I used to be one of them. I blamed everything that ever happened to me on my mother. She may have done things that I felt were wrong, and hurt me, but she did the best she could in raising me. I in return was not an easy child to raise. After Cory died I lost who I was. Drugs and alcohol became my life as well as sexual release.

Several bad boyfriends, and really scary incidents later in my life made me wake up. I gave forgiveness to those who truly finally needed it, but most of all the person I need to work on forgiving is myself. There may be things in my life that were not my fault, but I feel they were. I myself must forgive myself and let them go.

I hope this has enlightened people. It is something I am reluctant to talk about. I miss Cory very much, but I am thankful that I still have Erin in my life. He is like my big brother. I love him dearly. I hope that if you have anyone in your life that is seeking forgiveness from you, that you give it to them before it’s to late.

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